Even a God Can Need a Friend [Open to friends]

[pirateangelbaby]

[OOC: This post and its threads may contain Endgame spoilers. Potential trigger warnings include depression, alcohol abuse, and suicidal thoughts. (See the bottom section of Thor's updated permissions page for more detail on relevant warnings, Thor’s triggers, and a disclaimer about his narration style.) If you intend to tag Thor and are sensitive to this kind of content, please let me know before we begin so that I can provide a safer roleplay experience for you. Individual threads on this post will not be warned for on a case by case basis.

Thor has left his current address with the remaining Avengers, Loki (coldsong), Prometheus (liverfree), and Sif (lady_sif). Other close friends are welcome to visit by getting coordinates from those listed, which may be done offscreen (of the Avengers, Rocket is the most likely to be out and about in the Nexus right now) - if in doubt, please ask the relevant mun. This post is intended to provide Thor with moral support as he grapples with his mental health; each thread will be treated as though it is a different day entirely so his mood and the immediate setting may vary. I do not mind slow tags, and this post will be perpetually open for a long while, so don't worry if you can't get to it right away but still want to play.]


Above the Arctic Circle, in the far north of Norway, the village formerly known as Henningsvær sprawls out across a tiny chain of islands. Despite the approach of summer, the weather is cool and overcast, sea breezes often sweeping through the narrow streets. For those approaching by road, the small single-lane bridge leading from the mainland now boasts a hand-painted sign in Norsk and Asgardian runes welcoming visitors to Asvera, which the local humans have taken to calling New Asgard. Population: 832.

Though much of the world still feels half-empty and apocalyptic, there is little of that here. Asgard has filled the empty spaces, each house claimed and occupied, as well as several hotels that once served seasonal tourists. Fishing boats come and go from the harbor, dock workers hard at work learning to repair nets and lines, others processing the day’s catch for consumption. There is no market, no selling of goods; everything is distributed communally through the grocery on the main island, every citizen entitled to a share, every citizen expected to work to support the others, save for the children who are too young.

The village is quiet, but busy. There is always work to be done, or new skills to learn to survive in their new home. The king, however, may not be so easy to find. Here in the tiny Norwegian village, there is no golden palace to give visitors a place to start looking. Perhaps it’s best to ask for directions.

Comments

[pirateangelbaby]

Lack of training is certainly one of the biggest obstacles still facing the Asgardians. Not every vocation is equally represented among the remaining population, or at all, in some cases. A journeyman alchemist had survived Ragnarok, but whether she perished in the massacre on the Statesman or in the culling that reduced half the universe to dust, no one knows. Either way, her skills are beyond their reach now, the knowledge lost with the burning of Asgard.

But not all is lost. As far as they know, there are still masters of the craft on Alfheim and Vanaheim, and once Thor can bear to venture elsewhere in Yggdrasil on his own, maybe he could find one to take on an apprentice or two. But that would require both making himself presentable and leaving his people behind, and Thor is not yet ready for that. So he just hums a little in agreement, and says nothing more on the matter.

Fortunately for them both, Amelia's line of questioning is making it more difficult for Thor to lose himself in such melancholy thoughts, at least for the moment. Aside from a pang of old grief, a loss he's come to terms with years ago, as he remembers the woman he inherited this particular talent from. "I'm not sure how to describe it," he admits, absently worrying his hands against one another. "It's... it's more instinct than learned. My mother..." His voice wavers a moment, but he presses on without pause. "She was the goddess of childbirth and the hearth, and passed on this gift to me." Particular talents passed down through bloodlines is not exactly uncommon, but certain disciplines have traditionally been thought to be more suited to one gender than the other, and promising talent sometimes ignored or suppressed in favor of keeping the status quo.

Thor has been lucky to be a god of storms as well, his raw elemental seidr as suited to bringing fertility to the land as his more feminine talents. But he has never lived it to its full potential, not before such distinctions have become so utterly pointless in favor of saving what little knowledge they have left to share. So while he is not entirely at ease with using such power openly, he's not opposed to it. Not anymore.

Amelia's naked curiosity and complete lack of laughter helps too, of course. He gives it some real thought, now, looking down at the greenery around his knees. "It's like... all life has an... energy," he begins, slow as he considers how to phrase it and certain that he's still falling short. "The younger the life, the more potential it has to grow and flourish, if nurtured properly. My seidr... provides that. Takes that potential and gives it what it needs to reach it."

[rogueinladysclothing]

Knowing what both Thor and Loki have lost, Amelia's smile becomes more sympathetic when Thor tells her where this particular gift came from. It's both a blessing and a curse to have something from someone you loved so close to you at all times. That this one can help so many seems like a strike in its favor, though.

More distracting than all of that is the explanation of how it works. To unlock the future of something that's already destined or likely to occur is such an incredible power. Where Amelia can only bring death and destruction - and sometimes protection for things that already live, if she can manage the spell that day - Thor can bring life. He can take the seeds of it and make it into something more. It's incredible, and she's not certain he sees that the way she does. Her awe and wonder are written in her face, in the way her eyes widen as he speaks and her smile seems to become impossibly bright. This... this is the kind of gift people would kill for, even if they had no way to use it at the start.

"You shape the lives of everything you touch with this magic." It's not an accusation or a call to action; It's a statement of what she understands as truth. "You could save an entire people with this gift simply by helping them grow food in the worst of conditions. It's amazing."

She hesitates for a moment when she realizes how close that statement hits in their current circumstances. Without Thor's magic, this place won't be able to flourish and survive. Her cheeks turn bright pink and she looks down at her hands as embarrassment and shame come over her. Maybe she got a little too eager for her own good again.

"I'm sorry, I didn't think before I spoke. All I meant is that I think your gift is beautiful and important, and something that should be treasured." She exhales a soft breath before looking up at him with a rueful smile. "I truly hope this helps your people. You've found a good place to start fresh with them, and I think what you're doing here will give this home what it needs to thrive."

[pirateangelbaby]

If not for the very concept of natural balance being tainted for him by the Mad Titan's philosophy, Thor might think deeper on the matter. He, too, has brought death to countless thousands of enemies, razing battlefields and scouring them of their armies, his lightning often turned to destruction. And he was good at it, a god of thunder and war who loved the roar of battle and the singing of his power in his blood and bones. Yet that is not all that he is, this side of him rarely practiced, the ability to bring new growth back in the wake of devastation, as a new forest grows from the ashes of the trees that came before. And with his love for battle utterly gone in the wake of his most bitter failure, Thor struggles to know what to do with himself.

The garden, at least, is one place he can still do something good. Something helpful. Even if it does not make up for what he has done.

Amelia's words do strike at his heart, and his metal fingers creak a little as he curls them in on themselves. You could save an entire people. But he hadn't, in the end. He sees it every day when he looks at the village, when he thinks of the empty spaces across the rest of the planet, the universe. Thor can encourage new growth, new life, plants and fish and fowl to take the spaces of that turned to dust, and healthy babies for the survivors. But he can't restore what was lost, and that is the failure that strikes him deepest of all.

He knows she didn't mean it that way, even before the apology, and he manages a smile that doesn't quite reach his eye. "Thank you. I... I hope it does too." He can't help but feel guilty for his ingratitude, the way he finds hurt in words meant to praise, his brighter mood dimmed. Just one more way he is still failing.

He shoves it down, even more loathe to ruin her youthful enthusiasm with his weakness, and forces his fists to uncurl. "If you want to watch," he says, trying to sound as though nothing is wrong, "you should know, it might affect you too. It's... not something fine-tuned."

[rogueinladysclothing]

The telltale signs of sadness are written all over his face. Try to hide it as he might, it's easy for Amelia to see she's upset Thor on some level with her thoughtless comment. She's never been one for optimism, but a town like this, set on the sea and reminding her so much of her lost home, she can't help but feel hopeful. Tragedy is written in her blood and now it's written in Thor's, too. Even if he thinks all that's happened that's led to him settling what remains of his people here is his fault, Amelia would never accuse him of it or encourage the thought. Actions done in good faith, selfish as they can be at times, aren't a reason to drown oneself in guilt and regret.

If it were... the rogue would have drowned long before she found the Nexus. She can't teach others to justify the ends with whatever means are necessary in the moment, but she hopes she can help lift people from their sadness. In a place this beautiful, this... perfect, there's no room for self-pity and misery. Grief will linger as long as it needs to, but that doesn't mean the rest of the heavy emotions should have a reason to take hold.

But that's a conversation to hold another time. Thor's willing to show her more of his magic and she's eager to see it and ask more questions of it. Starting with one asked completely in earnest and with an innocence of what he's alluding to. "Your magic can affect people? What does it do? Cause hair to grow faster? Encourage growth in children?"

[pirateangelbaby]

On some level, several years of regular interactions with humans has helped Thor get a grasp on what it really means for them to be adults at so young an age, where an Asgardian would take centuries to reach the same maturity. But it’s times like these that remind him that he really doesn’t have a good idea of what that means for them, sometimes.

...she is an adult, right? He really has so little practice judging human age.

“Mm, it does do those a little,” he allows, peering at her a little more closely. Norns, she really doesn’t know what fertility magic is notorious for? Either that or this is a very creative distraction technique, and it’s working. “For a woman like yourself, it’d make you more likely to conceive. As long as you’re doing the necessary activity,” he adds quickly, before she might think he means spontaneously. “But if you don’t want to be pregnant, you shouldn’t have sex for... a week, probably?”

Well, he’s not sure which is more awkward. The crash course of the birds-and-the-bees he might have to give, or the fact that he doesn’t know enough about his seidr to know for certain.

[rogueinladysclothing]

Being an adult doesn't necessarily equate with understanding all the nuances around sex and reproduction. It doesn't help that people on her world rarely used the word 'fertility' or any of its derivatives except in the context of farming and agriculture. That Thor can help women become fertile in the hopes of conceiving a child... For all the sense it makes, it's still extremely awkward for her when he calls it out.

"N-not a problem for me," she says quickly, her face flushing a bright red. "I'm not-- I mean I don't--" Dreams she needs to stop trying to speak and just say the important part. "I've never had sex and no men have any interest in me so it's fine."

...oh dreams, that's even worse. Her shoulders tense and her eyes widen before she quickly covers her face with one hand, motioning in the direction of the plants with the others.

"Please go ahead." And cut her off from saying anything else, please. Please?

[pirateangelbaby]

She’s not the only one blushing a little, though Thor is by far less scarlet than she is. Mostly he’s just relieved he doesn’t need to explain the nuances of how babies are made, with or without his involvement in the process.

“Good,” he says, also a little too quickly, when she tells him she doesn’t have a partner. Then realizes how that sounds, and winces at the accidental insult. “I mean, that’s fortunate. That you don’t have to... take extra steps.”

It may not have been her conscious goal to get his mind off the melancholy track it’d started to take, but mission accomplished anyway. It may always come back to him later, of course, but right now he is just as eager as she is to get back to the business of making this greenhouse truly green.

It takes him a minute or two to get his focus right, though, controlling his breathing and reaching for the deep elemental pool of energy that thrums at his core. He doesn’t close his eye this time, digging his fingers into the dirt, and letting the magic flow out of him into the earth. It’s a gentler seidr than his lightning, swirling wisps of blue magic that trickle like a quiet country brook. Thor doesn’t know the academic particulars of what he’s doing, not by a long shot, leaning on instinct to tell him how to direct the flow of energy, a formless wave that washes from one end of the greenhouse to the other and draws the delicate young plants upward and outward, replacing damp brown with lush green.

[rogueinladysclothing]

Honestly, he could have left it at "good" and she wouldn't have minded. She kicks herself enough about not being attractive enough to get someone over her often abrasive personality to want to even think about starting a relationship with her (platonic or romantic) that someone else doing the same doesn't really catch her attention. Of course someone else would say it after meeting her when it's so obvious.

Really, though, the awkwardness of this whole conversation will detract from any feelings that might have been hurt by offhand comments. At best she'll remember how awkward they both were when it came to talking about her (lack of a) sex life. At worst she'll remember how she dug herself a really deep whole in the conversation.

The renewed use of Thor's magic is a good distraction for both of them, though. Amelia sits quietly as the god gets settled enough to begin again, her breath catching in her chest at the sight of the first signs of blue that leave him and find their way into the earth. She can't fully describe it, but it feels like he's putting an outside energy into everything around him and letting whatever his magic touches decide how best to use it. It's powerful in a way that catches at the edge of her senses, reminding her of other subtle uses of magic that were meant to encourage the body's own healing processes without doing anything directly. She doesn't fully understand it, but it makes her curious enough to add it to her mental list of topics to read about later.

When it's done, the rogue exhales the breath she had been holding and looks around the greenhouse with a renewed smile. What would have taken weeks or months, Thor has encouraged in a matter of minutes. Everything is ready for harvesting and not a day past perfect ripeness. Even if the recently crowned king of Asgard can't see what he's done for the beautiful, impressive thing that it is, Amelia can't see it any other way.

"Thank you," she says warmly when he's settled again. "I never thought I'd see anything like this in my life, and now I want to learn more about it." If not for her own use, then to bring knowledge of it to others (maybe even Thor, someday, if he wants to know). "I thought I'd come to offer my help, but I feel like I've gotten more than I've given. A day close to the sea, a new magic to research, my knowledge from my world actually being useful..." She huffs a small laugh. "I could be content here for the rest of my life, I think."

[pirateangelbaby]

It’s certainly not the first awkward conversation that Thor has had about helping make babies, though it has been a long time, and it probably won’t be the last. Especially if he intends to nurture this side of himself, long ignored in favor of more masculine pursuits.

Where Loki’s talent has always laid in study and sophistication, Thor’s talent for magic is more a force of nature, wild and deep and powerful, but with far less fine control. Often over the centuries, he has found himself carried along with the wind and the rain and the lightning, as if he is the heart of the storm given flesh and bone, or perhaps the storm is born of him instead. In a way, fertility magic is much the same, fingers reaching into the nutrient-rich earth like roots spreading downward, full of yearning for sky and sun and rain. Little points of light like stars, blossoming and ripening, the earth’s breath of life given form.

It’s a strange feeling still, but that is not a bad thing, and Thor does not shy away from it. He lets the seidr flow until it feels right to stop, and he sits back on his heels again, feeling somewhat like he’s finished a long and challenging run. He rubs at his forehead to wipe away sweat, leaving a streak of dirt in its place, and casts a slightly self-conscious look at her to see her reaction.

Fortunately, his anxiety here is unfounded, if the wonder in her eyes is any indication. Her words of praise for Asvera come as a surprise, as well, and he envies her a little for it. What would he give to be able to look on this place and see contentment with what it is, instead of what is gone? “Your knowledge?” he prompts, though she’d mentioned helping Vidar before.

[rogueinladysclothing]

She nods excitedly, ignoring the dirt he's smeared across his face. He asked a question she's interested in answering and everything else is ancillary for the moment. "My family traded herbs and spices in a port city on my world. I studied horticulture when my free time wasn't otherwise accounted for, and when I came to the Nexus I continued my studies when I needed a distraction. I certainly don't know everything about the plants that grow wild around here, but I was able to help Vidar name and catalogue many of them while we made our way to and from the mountain. I have pictures of those I couldn't identify so I can research them at the Grand Library in the Nexus. I'll come back to share what I've learned with Vidar and anyone else who wants or needs to know."

Her smile is irrepressible as it spreads across her face. Thor may not be able to smile honestly or move forward from the grief and guilt he feels, but the rogue's spirits seem higher now than they have almost any other time they've met. Something about this place makes it impossible for her to act otherwise.

Pressing her hands to the floor next to her hips, Amelia laughs softly as she relaxes back into them. "With the right contacts and a few months' time, I could probably get some trade going through your docks as well. If not for the plants that grow wild here, then certainly for the fish that must be in the sea. This world is far more advanced than mine, but people can still be encouraged to barter and trade one good for another. At the very least, I could probably help you get the docks more organized. I didn't look closely, but any new home can use a keen eye from someone with experience to help."

Maybe she's overstepping with that last offer, but she can't help it. This place calls to everything in her blood that she's been trying to ignore since she moved into her current apartment in the Nexus. Letting go of everything that made her the woman that she was on her world has been excruciatingly difficult, and the temptation of stepping backward, even for only a short time, is something she doesn't want to resist.

[pirateangelbaby]

Used to humans who only know enough about their vegetables and herbs to buy them in dried little shakers at the supermarket, it's another point of familiarity to hear from one who's able to forage and collect useful plants in the wild, or at least recognize them growing in a garden. Already he can see how invaluable Amelia's knowledge will be for both healers and cooks in replicating medicines and familiar dishes, of as close as they can find, anyway.

He hasn't paid as close attention to the docks as he probably should have, though that has been true of most things the remnants of his council has brought to his attention. There's probably a good deal that they don't bother to tell him these days, knowing that he'll either forget or fail to listen and respond in the first place. So whether she is overstepping or not, Thor really doesn't know enough to tell, and he can't exactly hide the shameful flicker of guilt at that realization. "That's... very generous of you. I'm honored."

Are the docks really that disorganized? It wouldn't surprise him if it was. "Most of my people were never sailors," he tells her, trying to remember if any of the survivors were those lucky few and coming up short. "We used to get most of our fish from Vanaheim as tribute. Asgard... it had a sea, of sorts, but not one easily fished. Water going over the edge of the world, you know." Speaking of home has become a bit harder since the events of the last few months, and especially since settling here. Asvera is no longer some vague, nebulous idea of hope but a real place, solid and busy and alive, and dreams of what could have been are replaced by what is real. And it is far humbler than the Asgardians are used to. Thor more than most.

[rogueinladysclothing]

Thor... honored? That isn't the reaction Amelia was expecting. Her eyes widen briefly at the statement, and then she turns her gaze away from him slightly when she notices the guilt cross his face. She hadn't meant for casual observations to cause him any distress. These are simply the kinds of things she notices because of her background. A woman raised in a port city and groomed to take over a business that flourished because of trade over the sea? Of course the docks caught her notice. Of course she noticed the ships sitting moored during the peak of the day rather than out on the water. These people are still getting settled, though, so it makes sense that not everything would be working at peak efficiency.

"I wasn't a sailor myself, but I know the basics from traveling across the sea my home was settled next to and speaking with the sailors who ran ships for my family. I'm not certain I could teach your people to sail well, but I'd be happy to help as best I could." Organization has always been her strongest skill, but a refresher from a few books and some videos from the library should give her enough to help these people. She hesitates a moment before adding, "This all only if you'd like my help. I wouldn't offer if I wasn't willing to follow through on all of it, but I don't want to appear as if I'm taking anything over from you or your people. This is your home; I'm merely a guest who wants to offer their assistance."

Assistance the also allows her time near the sea again. Dreams, it would be good to own up to that right now, but Thor's gone through enough already. This isn't her home and this isn't the time to ask for space in it beyond that offered when she's here to help. Anything more can come later when things aren't so tumultuous.

[pirateangelbaby]

Sadly, it takes very little these days for Thor to find himself slipping back towards the shadows in his mind, nearly all of it unintentional. Even moments that should be happy sometimes only serve to remind him of what he's lost, or some small detail - a faint scent, a familiar sound, a passing remark - brings the past back to him with an intensity he cannot ignore. Today has been a good day, compared to most. He's still sober so far, and he's only cried twice since he got up this morning. It's been three days since his last panic attack, which may be a new record if he was tracking such things.

He's still listening to her though, idly rubbing his hands together to knock off most of the dirt. When she seems to hesitate to offer her help, it strikes him that maybe he's coming across as ungrateful. "No, no, I- we appreciate all the help we can get," he hastens to assure her. "The quicker we learn, the quicker we'll be more self-sufficient. Any help you can give is welcome."

[rogueinladysclothing]

She nods slowly, grateful to hear that she's not about to be turned away. It means more time here and the chance to actually help those who can use her knowledge to make things better for themselves. It's such a small thing, but it means absolutely everything to the rogue. A small smile returns to her lips as she sits up straighter.

"I'll do everything I can to help with that. What help I can offer every day when I return will be yours." And she will return every day until she's certain the people of Asvera are confident in their own knowledge and abilities. She'll help them forage from the hillsides around the town, teach them about the uses of all of the plants they find and grow in their greenhouse, and get their vessels out on the sea. It will take time and patience both from herself and the Asgardians, but Amelia is certain they'll find a rhythm that works for all involved.

And if the rogue gets to enjoy more of the view and feel of this place while she aids them on their journey to self sufficiency? Well, that's simply a perk that the rogue will keep to herself while she smiles her way through all of the toil and struggles of teaching everyone her voice can reach.