pirateangelbaby | Ex Marks the Spot [for rogueinladysclothing]

Entry tags:

amelia,
ic

Ex Marks the Spot [for rogueinladysclothing]

The summer sun is high in the sky when the little rental car turns the corner around the coast and up the narrow bridge onto the islands of Asvera. The rainbow paint on the concrete has been refreshed and augmented with something that makes it shimmer, though it's still a pale comparison to the rainbow bridge of Asgard. The driver has little room to contemplate that however, instead inching forward at a snail's pace while they stare around at the sleepy little fishing village.

There have been significant modifications made since Asgard's arrival, of course. Several of the outlying islands have been terraformed into housing, and towers of Wakandan and Asgardian design make up much of the new buildings. Handpainted signs point toward the administrative center, still based in an overhauled church, though symbols of Asgardian make have replaced all the existing iconography. It's no gleaming golden palace, and now that they've thought of it, they notice there hasn't been a single figure in armor guarding anything that looks important.

Is this the right place? It has to be, right?

The clothes on the villagers, at least, looks familiar. Fancy robes and dresses, embroidered tunics and embossed belts, though the styles are sometimes an odd mishmash with Earth dress. The hairstyles, too, are another reassurance. Few people on Earth have the time for this level of braiding for casualwear, and enough people are going about their daily trades that it's clear this isn't a special occasion, either.

It's the right place indeed. But the wrong time.

The young man at the reception desk in the admin center helpfully reveals that Thor is not currently in town. The visitor's shoulders slump, and they leave the rental car behind as they wander down the road, contemplating their next move. Wait for him to arrive, knowing that it could be hours? Even days? Leave a note, 'sorry I missed you,' and continue embodying those ships that pass in the night?

The sound of clanging metal and grunts of effort echo down the street, drawing their attention. There's little open land available in Asvera, but the Asgardians have made good use of what they have. A training ring has been established along the northern waterfront, large enough for several dozen people to run drills and skirmish with each other, separated from the main walkway by a split-rail fence. The trainees are lightly armored in leather, armed with carved wooden swords and shields, men and women and children alike. The woman at the head of the class has clearly done this a time or two; her armor is battleworn and well fitted, and her blade moves like an extension of her own arm.

Jane Foster leans against the fence to watch, the memory of Asgard in its glory fresh in her mind as she struggles to process what she's seeing now.

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It helps Amelia stay settled to have something to do with her hands. Tea is a familiar ritual for herself, and after checking that her choice of a lightly floral green tea won't go astray, she sets about making it while their conversation continues. It feels much easier for her to sit down across from Jane once she has something in her hands.

"I've heard some stories, yes, from Thor and Loki both. Aside from how far some of their pranks went and the scale of it, it's not so different from what I'm used to with my own siblings." A beat and she huffs a laugh. "One of them, at least. When you're competitive with someone, you always try to take things one step further. Gods only have the chance to do more with it because of what they are than people like you and I."

She shrugs a little as she sips at her tea. "In a way I'm used to it, yes. I kept my ear to the ground with all of the nobility in my city when I could, but I was never so close as to be part of it. My family was only recently made noble before I was pulled from there, and as much as I prepared them for it, there's a gap between being a prominent merchant family and being lowly titled nobles." It's offered as fact rather than something good or bad. High or low never mattered to Amelia where her family was concerned, so long as they had access to what she wanted for them. The lowest of titles did that, and it remains enough for her after sealing off her world from the rest of the multiverse.

"Thor and Loki aren't so competitive anymore. They're supportive of each other through all the hardships both of them have faced, be they world ending or daily frustrations. There's struggles there, of course, but it's a rare and fond sort of companionship." She smiles warmly, turning her cup between her fingers. "They've both settled in their own ways, too. Thor here with me, Loki with his children and a woman he loves. I'm happy for them both, truly, and I know they're happy for one another, too."

Whatever Jane had been expecting when she arrived in Asvera, none of this was it. It feels so surreal to be sitting in a little house on the sea, drinking tea with her ex's new very mortal girlfriend and chatting about Thor's dead brother who is apparently alive and well and father to a bunch of orphans. It's all very, very weird.

Which is par for the course when it comes to anything Asgardian, she supposes. Her life has not been normal since the moment a man fell out of the sky in front of her.

"No kids in the plans for you two then?" Jane blurts before she can think twice, and her cheeks flush. "I'm sorry, that was rude."

Amelia's cheeks turn an even deeper red as she looks down at her tea. Part of her had expected the question, but it's still... unnerving to hear it. Mostly because her own thoughts have been churning on the matter for months, stirred up several times today in their walk about Asvera.

Dreams, why has she continued to avoid this conversation with Thor? This is madness.

"Not... as such. Not yet, at least? We've not actually spoken on the subject." Her neck turns a bit red as she forces herself to take a sip of tea for a few seconds of reprieve. "It's something we should speak on, but it's complicated with me being mortal and not knowing what the fate of such children would be, let alone how the rest of Asvera would take it or if they'd accept me as anything more than his partner and--"

She cuts herself off with sharp exhale, fingers inevitably finding the strands of her hairpin. "I'm sorry. My thoughts have been on this for a while without knowing how to broach the subject with him. Not because I'm eager to have children, but because... because..."

Because she never saw herself with children on her world. She never thought she could be a mother, much less someone's lover or partner or wife. Now here she is, in love with the king of a people she cares for as if she'd always been among them or were one of them. How do you even talk about something like that with the person you love?

"I suppose this is a reminder that I need to talk with my therapist about, assuming I don't trip into the conversation." A habit that feels like it's painfully obvious in this moment.

Well, this is awkward. Jane hides behind the rim of her teacup, her own reflection looking up at her from the steaming brew. She takes a deep breath and makes herself set the cup down on the table with a little clatter. "That's kind of what happened to us. I wasn't even thinking about kids and when he brought it up, I wasn't ready. It... didn't go well." She winces and shakes her head. "Not that it was a dealbreaker, or the last straw or anything. But kids have never really been on my to do list."

She believes Jane means well by telling her this, but the offer only makes things worse. Children weren't part of her plans for her life either. Everything is completely different now than it was in Masarra, but there are still so many reasons it's a terrible idea, so many ways everything could go wrong. She doesn't want that, yet what can she do to stop it?

The only thing left to her now is to talk to Thor. It's going to be a very difficult and emotional conversation, she's certain. It'll have to come with all else that's involved with them having children, top among them being her long-term place in Asvera and Asgardian culture, but they have to begin somewhere.

"It was enough for the two of you to recognize other troubles you were having," she supplies, smiling sympathetically. "I'm not so inexperienced with relationships that I don't understand. I've loved others in my life, and lost the relationship because of things I've done that I shouldn't have. Sometimes things simply don't work between two people, and it takes those difficult conversations to see it." They're always painful, but necessary and best for all in the long term.

Sighing softly, she sets her tea on the table and turns it slowly between her hands. "It won't be easy to have this conversation, but I don't think there's a way either of us will truly be ready for it. If we were, there'd be little point in having it." She smiles ruefully. "It will go as well as it's meant to, and my life will continue on after, much as yours did. The direction it goes only unknown for now."

Jane looks at her, continually surprised by Amelia's seemingly easy acceptance of facing such life-changing questions. "I'm..."

She's interrupted by a familiar sound, a roar from the heavens that splits the clouds and burns with prismatic fire, scorching its knotwork patterns into the rocks on the cliffsides near the house. It's a sound she's heard in her dreams for years, unforgettable as the man who manifests within its blazing light, axe casually slung over his shoulder as he walks the short path home.

The door swings open to admit Thor, his attention on knocking the dust from his boots as he enters, setting Stormbreaker down on its head next to the door. He's dressed more formally than he's come to enjoy, a near-Asgardian style outfit Alex has crafted for him in black and embroidered silver, a red half-cape over his left shoulder, his hair and beard braided and accented with silver bands. At first, he does not notice the presence of company, though the scent of hot tea tells him Amelia is at home. "I swear these meetings get longer every time," he calls out, before turning to face the little kitchen, and a shock resonates through him when he realizes Amelia is not alone - and who her visitor is. "Jane?"

"Um. Hi," Jane says, lifting her hand to wave at him, but she's staring just as much, aside from an absently panicked glance at Amelia.

Thor's return has Amelia on her feet, surprised enough to have a hand out to Jane to shield the woman if necessary and the other at her hip looking for a blade. When her heart's stopped racing, she takes a breath and lowers both hands, stepping around the table to stand next to Jane. She expects this will be a very awkward conversation, much the same way her and Jane's conversation became when they met each other in the heart of town.

"Welcome home," she offers with a nervous smile. "I'm sorry, I didn't think to send you a message to warn you we had a guest." She's usually very good at that sort of thing, but not today. Today she was completely distracted by a guest so unexpected and full of tales that she couldn't rip her mind away long enough for a simple text.

She takes a deep breath, then gestures him close and offers a hand to him. "We've been talking for hours now, getting to know one another after I showed her the whole of Asvera." A beat, and she turns to look down at Jane. "Though I suppose you came to speak to Thor, not me. I can leave the two of you in peace, if you have private matters to discuss. I don't mind, really."

There's no nervousness in her about leaving them alone together. They were in love and intimate with one another, but Amelia's never been one to be jealous. Besides, if Jane has business with the Allfather, she deserves to get to it without anyone hovering over her.

Jane's gaze sweeps over him, and Thor's certain he's not imagining the way she lingers on his face and the glint of black metal peeking out from his shirtsleeve. Without realizing he's done it, he turns slightly to hide the latter, his own attention on the fact that his old flame has suddenly reappeared in his own kitchen. And on the strange expressions on both her face and Amelia's - alarm? guilt? Were they talking about him just now? Jane is here. Why is Jane here?

The tableau breaks as Amelia steps in to smooth things over, and Thor's frozen thoughts lurch forward at last. When Amelia reaches for him, he reaches back with his living hand, drawing her in close for a brief embrace. "Oh? Good things, I hope," he says, forcing his tone to be light and diplomatic, uncertain what front to present. It's been years since he's seen Jane, not even after they'd returned the taken, knowing she had been one of them. And now... so much has changed. He has changed.

Jane's gaze breaks away from Thor at last, looking back to Amelia, color in her cheeks. For all that she's been turning this visit over in her mind, fixated on what she might find, all her rehearsed words have left her bereft. As if she'd never considered what to say in the first place, an impulsive decision to come all the way out here for reasons even she can't name. "It's not... I mean. I just... wanted to see if you were okay. I heard what happened to Asgard." She smiles, but there's a sadness in her eyes that Thor understands without words. "It's a beautiful village. You must be very proud."

"I am," Thor answers, and he means that, despite the heartbreak whose roots grow deep in Asvera. It is not Asgard, and it does not have to be, but for just a moment there is a shared moment of mourning for what was, and is no longer. He cannot change the past any more than he could turn the Fates from their weave, and there is little point in wishing otherwise, a lesson he's had to learn the hard way. "It's... good to see you, Jane. You look good."

"You too," Jane answers, her eyes flicking back and forth between him and the woman in his arms, and mercifully does not mention where he differs from the Thor she remembers, though he knows it could not be more blatant. "...I see you on the news sometimes. But that's not really... you. I guess I just... had to see for myself."

Amelia unconsciously leans into Thor when he draws her close, raising herself enough to press a kiss to his cheek before she settles next to him once more. It doesn't occur to her that he's trying to hide the parts of himself that are no longer flesh and blood, but his pulling her close keeps his living hand occupied. The rogue stays at his side as the two exchange pleasantries, awkward as they are, only interjecting herself when they both seem to be faltering.

"I'm glad I was able to show you the whole of it today. It was good to meet you without a distraction, too, welcome as you often are." She smiles up at Thor before turning her attention back to Jane. "I hope you've found everything well and without cause for worry."

They've built a strong community here, with elements that capture lost culture and also add new things to it as part of their growth into their new home. Amelia's equally proud of what she's contributed here, and she's even more proud of what Thor has become at the head of it all. She hopes Jane sees the same when she looks at him.

"You'll have to plan your next visit with us so you can have more than just my company," she chuckles. "I'm a decent host, but I'm no substitution for Thor."

Thor can see that Jane is surprised by Amelia's offer, uncertain of her place here, and though he knows little of what they've talked about before his arrival, he takes his cue from his beloved. Whatever they've discussed, whatever Jane thinks and feels about what Asgard has become, Amelia has welcomed her in with open arms knowing full well who she is, what she meant - still means - to Thor.

So he smiles, arm around Amelia, and adds, "Bring Darcy and Selvig next time," he suggests, reinforcing that invitation with no small measure of relief and love for the woman in his arms. "We'd love to see you at Yule." They can't go back to what they had before, but the life that Thor wishes to build has room for any friends that still remain, Jane included.

"I'll have to see if they're up for it," Jane says, that uncertainty in her eyes easing. "But I'd love to come back, if I can. Um. How can I reach you? Is there a new Gatekeeper?"

Thor's laugh is sudden, surprising even himself. "You could text me, if you wish."

"You have a phone now? You?"

For just a moment, it's just like old times, Jane slipping back into friendly teasing over his adoption of quaint Earth customs. It's achingly familiar, and Thor can't help the smile on his face as he retrieves his little device, holding it gingerly between large strong hands as he pokes at the screen to pull up his number before handing it over to Jane so she may put it in her contacts. Their hands touch briefly, and Jane doesn't flinch at the smooth metal of his fingers, still focusing on the odd novelty of Thor not only having a phone but knowing how to use it.

With their numbers exchanged, and the hours marching on toward evening masked by the ever-present summer sun, the promise of a future return lets Jane make her goodbyes without feeling as though it's the last time. "If you're ever in New Mexico, drop by and say hello," she tells both of them. "It's only half a planet away now."

Thor smiles, and draws her into a hug. She fits in his arms as well as he remembered, despite everything that's changed, and her arms embrace him just as strongly. They are both not what they once were, together or separately. But she is still dear to him, and him to her.

Once released, Jane turns to Amelia, hesitating how to say her farewells. A handshake is too impersonal, would a hug be too forward for someone you met a few hours ago? "Thank you for showing me around," she says. "And... for everything we talked about. I feel like I'm leaving him in good hands," she jokes lightly, glancing over at Thor.

Amelia doesn't interrupt as they exchange their words and phone numbers, learning so much about Jane's life outside of what she already has with the little mentions of the people around her and how they fit into her life. How they once fit into the life she and Thor shared. It's an unexpected glimpse into a past that shaped the man she loves more than anything, as well as into a woman she has a feeling she'll slowly get to know over the coming years. She's looking forward to it.

When Jane hesitates, the rogue steps forward and grasps one of the woman's hands between both of hers. It's more familiar than a handshake without being too much for how touch averse Amelia usually is. "It was a genuine pleasure and joy to meet you, Jane. I promise, you leave him in hands happy to take care of him, and ones that will be happy to welcome you and yours back to our home again whenever you all can make it." Her smile warms as she squeezes Jane's hand and then withdraws. "Travel safely, and may we see one another again soon."

Once their visitor has departed and they're alone, Amelia looks up to Thor with a warm and slightly nervous expression. "I'm sorry for not warning you. We spoke of you all day and I didn't even think of it." She huffs a laugh and shakes her head, taking his metal hand in hers and curling around his arm. "Are you all right? I... can't imagine what kind of shock this must be."

It's different for her if her former partner shows up, seeing as Harley is such a big part of both of their lives. For Jane to suddenly be here, unannounced and with no warning to him, must be something entirely different, possibly worse.

Whatever Jane was seeking when she arrived here, she's not sure she found it. But that's not necessarily a bad thing. When she makes her final goodbye and steps out the door, it's with a lightness in her step and a smile on her lips.

Thor's expression, in contrast, slides from a beaming smile into something a little more pensive, as soon as Jane is no longer there to see. He grasps Amelia's hand in his own, a solid lifeline, leaning lightly into her as she does to him. "I think so," he murmurs, but not entirely convincing. He's honestly not sure what he feels. Nostalgia, joy, grief, hope... Thor is not a man prone to feeling with anything less than his entire essence. The breakup is an old scar long healed, and while Jane's appearance did not reopen it, there's an ache like a bad knee before a storm. A reminder of what he had and lost, his love for her no less for the time passed, nor any lesser than the love he holds for the woman in her arms right now.

He turns toward her and leans forward for a kiss, reassurance for her as much as himself. "I did not think to see her again," he admits, resting his forehead against hers, head bowed. "I'm not the man I once was."

It's easy to see he's struggling a little with everything he's feeling. She doesn't try to rush him through his feelings, knowing herself how difficult moments like this can be. Seeing people you weren't expecting again, having to face them with new knowledge of yourself and who you aren't with them is... difficult at best, excruciating at worst. Amelia clamps down on her own thoughts to keep her heart from aching too much for herself, focusing instead on her love and what he needs right now.

She kisses him with such gentleness as she can manage, eyes concerned but still glad he's being honest with her. "No, you're not. You're someone different than you were even when I met you, and that's not a bad thing. You've grown so much and become an incredible king to a people who are proud to have you as their own." She lifts a hand to rest it against his cheek, pressing her forehead to his a little more fully. "And I'm proud to be at your side through all of it. Not just as your friend and your partner, but as someone who loves you. You make me feel safe in a way I've never had before, and I don't know if I could have said that even a few years past."

They've both changed in that time, but where once she saw a warrior trying to find his place among his people, she now sees a man who has become a full and true king to them. It's an honor to be here at his side.

"Tell me what's on your mind? We can sit and have something to drink on the couch as we do." It's a call to action like the early morning hours after one of his nightmares. They can take this as slowly as he needs, and she will help him get through it. It may not be the same kind of anxiety, but that doesn't make it any less important to her to take care of him as he processes all that's happened and what it's brought out in his thoughts.

Sometimes it's easy for Thor to forget how much has changed. How much he has changed. Isolated in their little village, settled into new routines, his people's growth into new shapes like green growth covering ruins... it's become normalcy for them all, until some aspect of the old life reappears, a stark contrast that cannot help but remind him of what came before. It's not painful like it used to be, not really, so long as he has other thoughts to occupy his mind. But it does rock him off balance, and Amelia's words are a hand offered to pull him back to center.

His smile is small and wistful, but also fond, and he kisses her again before he pulls back slightly. "Just old memories," he assures her. "So you two got along all right? It looked like I was interrupting something."

She's still worried about him after his assurances, but it's only because she's always a little worried. Seeing him falter the smallest step never fails to make her heart flutter and that anxiety seep in. Still, she can set it aside to answer his questions in the hopes of settling his mind. With any luck, knowing there's only goodwill between herself and Jane will help.

"Only the two of us stumbling into topics we didn't expect to touch today." She chuckles and encourages him to come to the couch with her, sitting them beside each other when he relents. "After speaking at length about Asvera, I told her about the Nexus and how it's connected to my being here, and about Loki." That makes her smile a little more ruefully. It had been important in her mind, but now that he's returned from his business, she wishes she'd taken a moment to ask him if she even could bring it up. There's nothing she can do about it now, though.

There's also the entire matter of children, which she doesn't want to bring up yet. That's a conversation best had after she knows he's feeling wholly himself again.

"She told me about how the two of you met and her visit to Asgard, and a bit about what she does. The last was harder for me to follow when it involves so much science I simply don't know." It's simply the way of things with anything of that nature. She smiles softly. "She's an incredible woman. Intelligent, quick-witted, and beautiful. I hope we'll see each other again and have the chance to be friends, because she's a wonderful person."

He keeps hold of her hand even as they sit, absently tracing small gentle circles on the back of her hand with his metal thumb. Though Thor is not thinking of it, a part of him knows he would not be so comfortable as to hold Jane's hand the same way, seeking soothing familiarity in Amelia's acceptance of who he is and what he has become. Here, he does not need to live up to the shadow of what he was, who others expect him to be.

"I've become used to the strange terms of Earth science," he admits with a small smile, "yet even I don't always know what she's talking about. Perhaps next time, I could translate?" He's only half serious, mostly just relieved that they've gotten along so well that Amelia hopes for more than one awkward meeting. "She is all those things, and more. She's earned prizes of great prestige in the realms of science, and saved all the Realms at least once besides. And it was she who showed me that humans were not so different from my own people, nor beneath us."

Strange, perhaps, to so eagerly sing praises of his ex-girlfriend to the current one. Others might take it as a reason for jealousy. But Thor's eye does not leave Amelia's, and he raises her hand to his lips to kiss it before tucking them both against his chest, their intertwined hands against his heart.

"It could only help," she offers earnestly. "Jane tried to be kind, once she understood I wasn't used to the language, but it was still overwhelming. Any help in understanding even a fraction of it all would help." There's only so many ways someone used to a particular dialect can explain things before they run out of ways to do so. A third party somewhere between the two would be of great assistance in moments like that.

Thor pulls her hands close and holds her with such reverence it makes Amelia's heart beat a little faster in her chest. Even after all this time, he can pull her into a flutter and make her heart sing with ease. It should make it easier to talk to him about more important matters, but it doesn't. She has to find the strength for that on her own.

"Then I'm grateful for her presence in your life. Without her, I don't know if I'd have even met you, or at least the you that I know and love now." She smiles warmly as she rests her free hand on his cheek, fingers gently brushing across it. How different her life would be if they'd not met, if things had been different and she hadn't become his friend. She doesn't want to imagine a life where they never fell in love, because that, above all else in her life now, is the thought that makes her ache most.

Which is why... she has to say something to him.

She takes a breath to settle herself, then gives his hand a gentle squeeze. "She told me some of the things that led to the end of your relationship, just before you arrived. About how you asked her about children, and I... admitted I've avoided the conversation with you because I'm afraid of what comes after it." Her smile turns a touch apologetic. "We don't have to speak of it now, but I don't want it to be something painful or disruptive between us. Promise me you'll think on it? When you're ready, we can talk about it, or any other part of our future."

Our future, because they have so much time left ahead of them, and there's nowhere else in the multiverse Amelia wants to be than at his side here in Asvera.

"The Norns weave a pattern none can see til we walk it," he agrees, his thoughts wandering down similar paths. Countless times he's thought of the road that led him here, his mistakes and missteps, things that he could have done differently. He finds nothing to regret with his time with Jane, except only that it had to come to an end. Especially not when it has led him here, a humble kingdom on the planet he loves so dearly, his heart held safe in the hands of the woman in his arms, who chose to make her home with him.

He's not really expecting the reminder of why his courtship of Jane had to end, though perhaps he should have. His heart aches in his chest, his eye searching Amelia's face for any hint what she might feel on the matter. He's seen her with the children in the village, and of course with his nieces and nephews, but does she feel differently on raising some of her own? Has she considered what raising such a child would mean, would be like? There are so many questions, so many things to speak of, that he's speechless for a long moment, uncertain of where to start. Of how to gauge her heart without breaking his own, or hers.

How fragile is this moment between them, that he may blunder in and break it, as he did once before?

"Oh?" he asks, with mildly strained calm, uncertainty on his face. His body language is careful, like one striving not to startle a wild bird into flight, though he does not release her hand or pull away. "What... what frightens you about it?"

She's not so lost in her own thoughts to notice his careful handling of her. They've been close to each other long enough that she's well used to this when something frightens her or sets off her anger or anxieties. On any number of other topics, she might be upset that he automatically assumed her being afraid meant she wanted to run, but not this time. This is something the affects them both and may determine the course of their future, of the whole of Asvera. All that does is make her want to hide more - and push through that same urge to speak to him when he's now willing to do so.

But where to start? This has been something on her mind for so long that the only thing she can think to do is to go all the way back to the start, to long before they met or even her coming to the Nexus.

It's time to drag out more of her own past from the shadows she keeps it in.

"You know what my plan for my family was, back home: do everything I could to gather the favors and money needed to get them a title so they'd have access to a better life." It's something they've spoken of at times and at various depths, so she doesn't want to go too far into it now, but it's the start of this. "When I still thought it would take decades of my life to accomplish that, I told myself I would never have a family. I wouldn't fall in love or have children of my own. I thought that, by the time I'd be free of the responsibilities I'd taken on as a child, it would be too late in my life. It would be better for me to remain alone and simply focus on my siblings' children."

Children she fully intended to pour all of her own money and time into, when she wasn't busy. Children she never really had the chance to know. Children she never will know, if more were born after she left. She frowns softly and drops her face to look at his collarbone, her hands moving to grip the one around hers tightly.

"I'm afraid... I'll be a terrible mother. There are so many things I've done that I fear passing on, even as lessons to those expecting me to... to be their everything." Who need her for everything, for a time. "What if I fail them? Or hurt them in spite of my best efforts? What if I'm too set in my ways to change for those who need me in ways I knew were impossible for me just a few years ago?"

She takes a slow breath and swallows hard. "What if I fail you if we do this by being a horrible partner? Or... or more, if being mother to your children means I should be more in the eyes of Asvera?" A mortal, but still queen consort - or something more. "I want to be the best I can be for you and our people, and I'm trying every day, but I'm as fallible as anyone else, and I don't want to make that worse by trying to be something I always thought I'd never be."

Does it make sense? Her wandering thoughts? They're all connected in her mind, but she realizes now that it's all out that he may not even understand. She sighs and tips her head to press her forehead to his shoulder. Dreams, this shouldn't be so hard, should it?

For Thor, it's more than just anxiety over Amelia's thoughts and feelings that has him treating her with such care. It's also the echo of old arguments, spawned by the mismatch of hopes and dreams and fueled by his own unquestioned assumptions. It's the hurt he'd felt when he and Jane had talked past each other, neither really understanding what the other was saying, where they were coming from, until it was far too late. Two people from vastly different worlds with vastly different experiences and expectations placed upon them, a cultural gap they'd not known was there until they'd both tumbled into it headlong.

He doesn't know how to avoid the mistakes of his past. But that doesn't mean he isn't going to try.

He speaks of none of this, his eye on hers, their hands bound together in each other's grasp as she speaks. Her worries are familiar, and yet so very different than what Jane had said. His free arm passes around her shoulders, pulling her close in a hug, and for a moment he drops his chin to rest atop her head, providing what little comfort he can in her uncertainty.

"You will never fail me, my beloved," he tells her, his voice a low rumble in his chest, as steady as a spring's storm. "You're fallible, but so am I. I do not expect you to be perfect, anymore than I am."

The rest of her worries are valid, and will need addressing, but as far as Thor is concerned, her fears about herself are the root that need his words first.

She tucks herself beneath his chin without hesitation, needing the reassurance as much as she does air. She could still fail him, fail their people, fail herself, but it helps to hear he won't think of it that way. So many times in her life she's chosen the path that keeps her alone, that sacrifices what she has for others or hurts those closest to her in the name of some goal she has. Things are so different here, settled here, and it's when she thinks of a future that needs to be even more so that her oldest fears return.

For years she spurned, tore down, belittled, ruined, and degraded suitors brought to her by her parents. Good matches, good people, nothing wrong or overly bad about any of them. Even if things had been different and she'd been in the position to accept their advances, part of her knows she never would have. All of them deserved better than someone like her. They weren't unworthy, she was. In many ways, she still feels the same.

"Would Asvera say the same of me? Especially if I'm..." Dreams, what would she be to their people if she took this step? If they made this choice together? She exhales shakily and presses herself closer to him.

"I know my being mortal has consequences for everyone, but will we be something more together? Not just more as partners, but to our people?" She takes a breath to steady herself. "Would Asvera accept me as an equal at your side? If not in title then at least in position? I don't want to assume anything or pressure you when all I want is to support you in what happiness and time we have."

But if they should reject the idea, isn't all this mess of her feelings about having children with him unnecessary? It feels like something they should speak of before so much else.

Thor would be lying if he claimed no familiarity with her worries, even coming from someone who was born into royalty. How often had he wondered if he would be a good king, if he would measure up to his father's example? Especially after Ragnarok, when his kingship began in fire and loss, a stark contrast to years of peace under Odin's rule. Would his people accept him and his word as theirs, or reject him as a boy-king playing pretend at matters beyond his authority?

Even now, there must be some in his kingdom who still wish for the old days, wishing Odin still sat the throne instead of his softer son. But despite their personal feelings, Thor has never had reason to doubt the loyalty of any of his people.

"I cannot say what all of Asgard would think of you," he tells her honestly, holding her close. "But you already command respect and gratitude as you are. If we were to... to wed..." Is it too soon to speak of such things? Humans live such fast lives that Thor cannot tell, but if that is on Amelia's mind - if that is what this fear hinges on - then they would need to speak of it eventually. "You would be queen, by bond if not by birth. And if any would object to that, then they would have me to answer to."

Perhaps it's not exactly the answer she's looking for, but Thor knows her heart, and thoughtless reassurances would hurt her more than truth.

As always, she prefers the truth no matter the form it takes. There's a chance some may not accept her, no matter what she's given or will continue to give to Asvera, but at the same time, Thor will stand ready to defend his choice. A bulwark against the many hurts that could be thrown against her, against them both, by someone trying to dissuade them from taking that step together. In her heart she knew this to be true, but hearing it helps. If they do this, they do this together, and he won't back down from that.

If they choose that. If she's sure enough of herself to take that step. If she's willing to take that risk.

With him... she is.

Slowly, she pulls herself away just enough to look him in the eye, a small but determined smile on her face. "You are where my heart belongs. I've loved you for years, and I will love you for the rest of my life. When the time is right," for him, not for her, "I would be honored to marry you and be with you as more than I am now. Your wife, your queen, and..." She inhales a small, nervous breath. "And someday, mother to our children."

Her cheeks flush, turning a dark pink, but she doesn't look away. She's serious about this, and nothing will change her mind. If she's to spend her days with someone, as the someone to another, it could only be Thor.

"There's... a lot to consider for it, and for us to speak of before we make any arrangement or declarations, but that is my truth. I love you, and with you is where I belong. If that means I spend the rest of my life working for a people who have taken me in and standing tall at your side, then that is exactly what I'll do."

There is still so much they need to discuss, from personal hopes and dreams to legal duties and cultural understandings, before any official steps are made. But Thor had never hoped to hear such words from her, shielding his heart in the wake of Jane's refusal, to protect it from such disappointments again. Hearing Amelia declare this now, there is a lightness in his heart, a fledgling hope for a future he'd once imagined for himself.

That she would even consider pledging herself to him, to found a family... it almost seems too good to be true.

"You belong where you wish to belong," he tells her, touching his forehead to hers. "I will try to be worthy of you, now and always. You have my heart, no matter what comes." He seals the declaration with a soft kiss, and even once he pulls back, he keeps her in his arms.

"My mother was not from Asgard either," he tells her with a small smile, offering a lifeline to ease away from these intense feelings, this vulnerability they share together, building something stronger of it. "She was Vanir by birth, and there were those who did not approve of her becoming queen consort. Mostly stuffy old advisors too concerned with old prejudices. She proved herself through word and deed, and none today doubt her love for Asgard and our people."

She leans into the press of his forehead, expression nervous but full of love all the same. "Then here is where I belong," she reiterates after leaning in for another kiss. "I'll take no other place." Not anymore. Not permanently. With Thor is where her heart longs to be, and Asvera has become her home. There's nowhere else she will ever truly desire to be again.

He's trying to reassure her, and while the attempt is appreciated, she can't help the small laugh that tumbles out of her. "Your mother was still immortal. I have far greater obstacles to overcome with those advisors and people who will look for reasons not to accept someone not of Asgard." The reasonable part of her knows that there's very little reason for most of those same people to care about her mortality after all she's done and still does to build Asvera up, but the worry still remains that those few will be so vocal that others begin to doubt, too. Something to speak to her therapist about when she next returns to the Nexus.

Taking a breath, she firms her grip on his hand where it's still entwined with hers. "I won't give up. I may flinch at times, but this is where I want to be. If the whole of Asvera says no, I'll still remain at your side without being your wife, but if opposition comes only from a few, I won't back down. All that remains is to figure out my place, and then to try."

It's a terrifying leap, one that requires far more faith in herself than she's ever truly granted herself. But for him... dreams, to be with him and to love him in the way her heart craves that she never thought possible until it suddenly was, she will fight herself to make it happen.

Starting right now, because the first step is the hardest and she doesn't want to put it off any longer now that the topic has been broached.

"So. Now that I've made my intentions clear, what do we need to discuss first?"

Ex Marks the Spot [for rogueinladysclothing]

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