For all its advancements in technology and science, the one discipline that Asgard has never excelled in is mental health, something that is proving to be one Hel of an oversight in recent days. Weakness, cowardice, madness... Thor had never thought to question the validity of these labels, confident in his assumption that he was above such things, even as nightmares and visions had plagued him after Ragnarok destroyed his home and most of his people. He'd never expected to live his nightmares with waking eyes, to still be terrified of a man he'd executed by his own hand, or to find himself so full of guilt and regret that he often wishes he'd died outright instead of lived to see the fruits of his failure.
At least then he would have earned the right to enter Valhalla, and be with his family.
Thor knows he's not the only one in the village suffering like this. Save for perhaps the youngest children who don't understand what has happened at all, it'd be a wonder if there are any Asgardians without nightmares anymore. But there are only two healers who yet survive to manage eight hundred in need of care, and with Earth's resources also stretched thin in the wake of the culling, it's the innocent who deserve what little help they can give. Not the man whose lust for revenge has doomed them all, no matter how great his need.
Though the anxiety squeezing its fist around his lungs has finally eased, Thor still does not feel quite himself, and if he'd found it difficult to look Prometheus in the eye before, it's almost impossible now as shame smolders within him. He can't hide how far he's fallen, and there's a part of Thor that simply does not understand why his friends still want anything to do with him like this, yet still grasps for any scrap of comfort he can find. Prometheus' quiet, steadfast support is as solid as the rocks being battered by the ocean, immovable even by the storm, and Thor feels a guilty pang of gratitude for it. How does he deserve this?
He's tempted to say no, to try to salvage some shred of pride and pretend just for a moment that he's the same Thor he used to be, who was never so needy as he is now. But he is so tired of fighting himself, of being alone, of pretending he's all right when even he can see he's not. He lets out a bone-weary sigh, closing his eye as the rain soaks his clothes and drips from his unruly beard. "Yeah. I'm... I'm good with that."
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At least then he would have earned the right to enter Valhalla, and be with his family.
Thor knows he's not the only one in the village suffering like this. Save for perhaps the youngest children who don't understand what has happened at all, it'd be a wonder if there are any Asgardians without nightmares anymore. But there are only two healers who yet survive to manage eight hundred in need of care, and with Earth's resources also stretched thin in the wake of the culling, it's the innocent who deserve what little help they can give. Not the man whose lust for revenge has doomed them all, no matter how great his need.
Though the anxiety squeezing its fist around his lungs has finally eased, Thor still does not feel quite himself, and if he'd found it difficult to look Prometheus in the eye before, it's almost impossible now as shame smolders within him. He can't hide how far he's fallen, and there's a part of Thor that simply does not understand why his friends still want anything to do with him like this, yet still grasps for any scrap of comfort he can find. Prometheus' quiet, steadfast support is as solid as the rocks being battered by the ocean, immovable even by the storm, and Thor feels a guilty pang of gratitude for it. How does he deserve this?
He's tempted to say no, to try to salvage some shred of pride and pretend just for a moment that he's the same Thor he used to be, who was never so needy as he is now. But he is so tired of fighting himself, of being alone, of pretending he's all right when even he can see he's not. He lets out a bone-weary sigh, closing his eye as the rain soaks his clothes and drips from his unruly beard. "Yeah. I'm... I'm good with that."