It's not until the other three make their way into the ship that Steve gets up to settle into whatever seat is left for him inside. He doesn't hide his gaze from the others, but they won't find a shred of strength left in his face. There seems to be life in their eyes again for better or for worse but Steve doesn't question that either. Instead he focuses on Nebula and the blank unreadable stare she wears. On the empty gaze Thor gives.
Steve wonders if he looks any different to them.
For the first time in his life he takes no interest in the plans he can hear Natasha murmuring to Carol and Nebula as they make their way back to Earth. Steve tunes out everything but the sound of the ship's engines. It's so much easier not to think, to just let the numb haze of his own memories drown out the present around him. If he shuts his eyes and focuses hard enough, Steve can almost see Bucky sitting next to him by a fire, his rifle taken apart in front of him to clean while they rest after their evening meal. Can remember the tune Dernier used to sing even though no one but Jones understood the words. More often than not they'd all end up at least humming along to it before they'd turn in for the night.
In a way it's cruel, unfair of Steve to settle in with these ghosts rather than support the friends he has alive at his side. People who are still very much here who could use a soft smile or at least some company to grieve. But he's given and given and given until he feels empty inside and yet still they look to him for answers no one can give.
His small sigh isn't untroubled but it's more relaxed than it's been in weeks.
In the end Carol leaves fixing things up back on Earth to the Avengers. There's a big universe out there with countless places not so fortunate to have people like them on its side. She'll end up handing out tasks for Natasha to pass on to Rocket and Nebula if the trouble is semi-close to home ground or at least a jump point. Steve watches from the window when Bruce leaves them to it. Uninterested in ever seeing another fight. He doesn't try to stop any of them. He becomes more of a fixture at the complex than a leader, always off on the sidelines watching.
Natasha has a fire in her. One that Steve's grateful for because he's never felt more adrift and lost than he does right now. It's easier to just let her take charge after so many years of working at his side. Easier to put his head down and follow orders when they're given.
Easier to let himself be overlooked so he can sit in the empty rooms with his Ghosts and remember better days than these.
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Steve wonders if he looks any different to them.
For the first time in his life he takes no interest in the plans he can hear Natasha murmuring to Carol and Nebula as they make their way back to Earth. Steve tunes out everything but the sound of the ship's engines. It's so much easier not to think, to just let the numb haze of his own memories drown out the present around him. If he shuts his eyes and focuses hard enough, Steve can almost see Bucky sitting next to him by a fire, his rifle taken apart in front of him to clean while they rest after their evening meal. Can remember the tune Dernier used to sing even though no one but Jones understood the words. More often than not they'd all end up at least humming along to it before they'd turn in for the night.
In a way it's cruel, unfair of Steve to settle in with these ghosts rather than support the friends he has alive at his side. People who are still very much here who could use a soft smile or at least some company to grieve. But he's given and given and given until he feels empty inside and yet still they look to him for answers no one can give.
His small sigh isn't untroubled but it's more relaxed than it's been in weeks.
In the end Carol leaves fixing things up back on Earth to the Avengers. There's a big universe out there with countless places not so fortunate to have people like them on its side. She'll end up handing out tasks for Natasha to pass on to Rocket and Nebula if the trouble is semi-close to home ground or at least a jump point. Steve watches from the window when Bruce leaves them to it. Uninterested in ever seeing another fight. He doesn't try to stop any of them. He becomes more of a fixture at the complex than a leader, always off on the sidelines watching.
Natasha has a fire in her. One that Steve's grateful for because he's never felt more adrift and lost than he does right now. It's easier to just let her take charge after so many years of working at his side. Easier to put his head down and follow orders when they're given.
Easier to let himself be overlooked so he can sit in the empty rooms with his Ghosts and remember better days than these.