She tucks herself beneath his chin without hesitation, needing the reassurance as much as she does air. She could still fail him, fail their people, fail herself, but it helps to hear he won't think of it that way. So many times in her life she's chosen the path that keeps her alone, that sacrifices what she has for others or hurts those closest to her in the name of some goal she has. Things are so different here, settled here, and it's when she thinks of a future that needs to be even more so that her oldest fears return.
For years she spurned, tore down, belittled, ruined, and degraded suitors brought to her by her parents. Good matches, good people, nothing wrong or overly bad about any of them. Even if things had been different and she'd been in the position to accept their advances, part of her knows she never would have. All of them deserved better than someone like her. They weren't unworthy, she was. In many ways, she still feels the same.
"Would Asvera say the same of me? Especially if I'm..." Dreams, what would she be to their people if she took this step? If they made this choice together? She exhales shakily and presses herself closer to him.
"I know my being mortal has consequences for everyone, but will we be something more together? Not just more as partners, but to our people?" She takes a breath to steady herself. "Would Asvera accept me as an equal at your side? If not in title then at least in position? I don't want to assume anything or pressure you when all I want is to support you in what happiness and time we have."
But if they should reject the idea, isn't all this mess of her feelings about having children with him unnecessary? It feels like something they should speak of before so much else.
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For years she spurned, tore down, belittled, ruined, and degraded suitors brought to her by her parents. Good matches, good people, nothing wrong or overly bad about any of them. Even if things had been different and she'd been in the position to accept their advances, part of her knows she never would have. All of them deserved better than someone like her. They weren't unworthy, she was. In many ways, she still feels the same.
"Would Asvera say the same of me? Especially if I'm..." Dreams, what would she be to their people if she took this step? If they made this choice together? She exhales shakily and presses herself closer to him.
"I know my being mortal has consequences for everyone, but will we be something more together? Not just more as partners, but to our people?" She takes a breath to steady herself. "Would Asvera accept me as an equal at your side? If not in title then at least in position? I don't want to assume anything or pressure you when all I want is to support you in what happiness and time we have."
But if they should reject the idea, isn't all this mess of her feelings about having children with him unnecessary? It feels like something they should speak of before so much else.